


Fighting

by eledhwenlin



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 19:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon's dating Spencer and everyone thinks it's a bad idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fighting

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, many moons ago I posted this [meme](http://eledhwenlin.livejournal.com/625218.html) where you have an anonymised list of characters and then people ask you question. I decided to answer each question with an actual fic instead of, y'know, the one comment it was supposed to be. Overachiever, me? I don't know what you're talking about.
> 
> Anyway, this is my reply for **Brendon Urie and Zack Hall have a huge fight, what's it about and how do they make up?** I think [](http://sansets.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**sansets**](http://sansets.dreamwidth.org/) had a look at this at some point, but it's essentially unbetaed. Enjoy? :D?

Okay, so Brendon expects a lot of people to give him the Talk. He's not stupid and not as oblivious as everyone thinks he is. He knows he's been a pretty huge douchebag to a lot of his hook-ups. He knows he's not very good at relationships, be it in a boyfriend capacity or a fuckbuddy. He knows he's not good at communicating very well what he wants. He _knows_ , okay?  
   
And, yeah, he expected Ryan to threaten him with castration and dismemberment. Jon telling him not to fuck up wasn't a surprise, either. Pete giving him tips on how not to destroy your band is an occupational hazard. But Zack, big, wonderful, piggy-back rides giving Zack, "taking him for a walk" and calmly intimidating that they wouldn't find his body, no, that is not something Brendon prepared himself for, which partly explains why he yelled at Zack so much. He'd figured if there was one person to have his back, it'd be Zack.  
   
See, this is _Spencer_. Brendon's pretty sure that Spencer won't let him be too much of a jerk to begin with--Spencer does this thing where he always, always, always calls Brendon on the stupid shit he does and it's kind of annoying, but also comforting because there's at least someone looking out for Brendon--and, yeah, he's man enough to admit that he's a bit hurt that no one thinks they need to warn off Spencer from hurting Brendon. He knows they didn't because he asked Spencer and they all choose very public moments to warn _Brendon_ and he can't believe that so many of their friends think they're heading for a complete disaster.

Spencer just laughs at him, when he tries to get him to cuddle because "everybody's mean to me, Spencer Smith, you need to comfort me!" So Brendon's now lying on the top of their bus, hiding and pouting. When they miss him, they can come and find him.  
   
Two hours later, he's pretty sure his band is freaking out, but Brendon is the wronged party here and he feels totally justified in not answering any of their calls or text messages. He's righteously angered here. He's not a complete asshole, however, and he's a professional, so he climbs down ten minutes before soundcheck.  
   
And, of course, everyone's mad at him, but no one cares to ask _why_ he went incommunicado and yeah. That was perhaps not the best decision Brendon's made lately. He snipes back at Ryan and when Spencer ignores him, Brendon ignores him, too, and all evening he ignores everyone and their muffled whispering because it's not even been two weeks and already everything's going to pieces. It sucks a lot.  
   
No one seems concerned when Brendon just goes back to the bus after their concert, although everyone else is going to this local bar that's supposed to be awesome. The bus is quiet without anyone there to fill the silence behind him and Brendon decides to go to bed out of sheer self-protection and also he needs the sleep. That doesn't explain why he's still not asleep a whole hour later. His eyes burn (exhaustion, he tells himself, he's just tired, no other reason at all) and he can't quite breathe right (well, he's the singer and it was a long tour and it's almost over and then his lungs can recuperate) and ... he just feels really fucking lonely and it wasn't supposed to be like this at all.  
   
Spencer and he had been dancing around each other for _years_ \--there was always someone else, another reason not to fuck up the band, to not even try--and Brendon can admit to himself, if not to anyone else, that he was scared in the beginning, because it was Spencer and Brendon and Spencer's awesome and Brendon sucks at a lot of things. Give him some music to figure out and he can do it without breaking into a sweat, but everything else keeps escaping him and then he gets yet another talk about tact and personal space and he gets yelled at to be calmer, less energetic, sit down for fucking once, and generally be less like himself. Spencer inspires people and is admired and coordinated and fucking organised and there are so many reasons why Spencer's perfect to love, so it's a doozy why Brendon likes him, but he still can't believe that Spencer likes him back. But because Spencer is who he is, Brendon thinks he will be able to not fuck this thing up. He cares about Spencer too much even without the whole being in love thing to try anything but his best. He's hurt so many people intentionally or entirely by accident, and he doesn't want to do that to Spencer. He tries so hard and he thinks he's doing pretty well, and it hurts that nobody else seems to see that. They just assume he's going to be the same old douchebag he's been to his various hook-ups and previous girl- and boyfriends and. Brendon can totally grow as a person and Spencer's like the perfect manure for that. Only better smelling. And stuff. (It's possible that Brendon's not really good at metaphors.)

Brendon gives up on attempting sleep and he sits down on the bus steps. He feels lonely and like he already fucked up and he didn't want to, wants to keep Spencer, and he doesn't know how to fix it--usually his approach is to ask Spencer what to do. Except Spencer's mad at him and he's maybe right and maybe everyone else's right, too, and this cannot end well and it'll all be Brendon's fault. If only he weren't so tired, he could figure out something (if nothing else, Brendon's still cute and sincere apologies often help even if they don't resolve their issues) and fix this. If only ... He leans against the side of the bus entry and closes his eyes. Just a moment to think.  
   
Brendon doesn't even notice anyone coming up, so he's honestly startled when someone touches his shoulder. Zack sits down on the last step, just underneath Brendon, and for a moment he wonders how Zack can make himself fit in there, until he remembers that, right, Zack yelled at him this evening never to do another disappearing act again or else and how apparently Spencer needs all the protecting he can get, but everyone expects Brendon to just bounce back from every bad relationship, every fight and every bad thing with a smile (except Brendon doesn't think he can bounce back from Spencer) and he draws himself in closer.  
   
Zack just looks at him with solemn, dark eyes, and then he picks Brendon up and carries him into the bus. Brendon's too surprised to fight him and then he's already being deposited on the couch in the lounger (gently; Brendon's not sure what Zack saw that he's suddenly so careful with Brendon). Zack makes him a cup of cocoa, none of the rich hot chocolate Spencer excels at (seriously, they keep buying the stuff for him, just so he'll keep making them cups of it for them, with mini marshmallows thrown in), but it's hot and stupidly familiar and Brendon didn't realise before how sad he was, but the gesture makes something in him snap. Zack hugs him and Brendon's just glad he has someone to hold on, too, while he falls apart. He manages snippets of sentences, interrupted by hiccups-- "I'm scared" and "what if he doesn't" and "I don't get why" and "I just want"--and Zack just holds him and pets his head and lets him cry himself out. Afterwards Brendon feels relieved and stupid, crying like a fucking first-grader because no one wants to play with him, but Zack doesn't let go of him and so he sniffles into Zack's hoodie which's pretty gross by this point.  
   
"I told him not to fuck with you, too," Zack says quietly. "Before. I told him not to get involved with you unless he meant it. He spent a lot of time talking about it with Ryan and Jon, so when ... we all already knew he was in this for the long haul when you both announced it."  
   
"He is?" Brendon's head is swimming. He didn't ... he didn't expect that. "Yeah." Brendon slumps even more against Zack, the last of the tension leaving his body. It's something Spencer would do--discuss the pros and cons of a relationship with Brendon before acting on it. Brendon could've figured, since he does it the other way round, acts before and thinks later.  
Brendon's still exhausted and the crying didn't help and he feels overwhelmed. He doesn't want to move, though. He closes his eyes, just collect some energy for the trip to the bunks.  
Suddenly he's being moved, though, and when he blinks his eyes open, he's standing the bunk area and Zack's behind him. "Get some sleep, kiddo." Brendon doesn't think, he just crawls into Spencer's bunk (it's closer, he thinks, which is a lie, he'd just have to turn around to get into his own) and the familiar smell of Spencer's shampoo on his pillow, of _Spencer_ in the tight room lulls him into sleep.  
   
Brendon doesn't know how late it is, when he's jostled awake by Spencer crawling in with him. "Shh, go back to sleep." Brendon waits for Spencer to settle down, then he wraps his arms around him and holds him close. Spencer hugs him back and rubs his back. "Just sleep, Bren, okay? We'll talk tomorrow." Spencer's warm and solid and he holds onto Brendon just as tight as Brendon's holding onto him, so maybe they're okay.

~~~***~~~

  
   
In the morning Brendon wakes up relaxed and comfortable. He burrows further against Spencer--they're still wrapped around each other and Spencer's arm must be numb and cramped, but his hands are under Brendon's shirt and their legs are entangled and Brendon just can't bring himself to move away. He closes his eyes again and drifts back to sleep listening to Spencer's heartbeat and feeling his breath against his temple.  
   
The next time he wakes up, he's lying half on top of Spencer, the sheets horribly tangled all around their legs, and Spencer's leisurely rubbing his hand up and down Brendon's back. It's exactly the kind of calm and peacefulness Brendon's been longing for, so he heaves a deep sigh and the last bit of tension leaves his body.  
   
"Awake?" Brendon can feel Spencer's voice rumbling through his chest and for a moment he's afraid that this will be the Talk, when Spencer tells him that, no, perhaps it's better if they don't, but Spencer doesn't stop touching him. He's still carefully running his hand up and down his back and his arm, soft, feathery touches, like Brendon's a wild animal that needs calming. "Yeah," he replies. "'M awake."  
   
Spencer doesn't say anything for a long minute. "So the thing is, perhaps I talked to people." Brendon blinks. "You ... talked to people." Spencer hums as reply. It's strangely endearing and Brendon moves so he can watch Spencer's face. Spencer is steadfastly looking at the low ceiling of the bunk as if it were the most interesting display (it's totally not, as Brendon can state from many hours of insomnia because that ceiling is boring, but it's not even boring enough to bore you into sleep when you haven't been able to get more than two hours at a time for three days and really desperately need to sleep before your bandmates either kill you or drug you into oblivion).  
   
"Yeah, perhaps. Perhaps some of these people knew that I possibly have liked someone for a while. Perhaps I told them that I'm maybe kinda in love with that someone." Brendon stops breathing for a moment. He opens his mouth, to say--he doesn't know yet, but he can't just let that stand unanswered--, but Spencer shushes him. "Just ... let me get through this, okay?"  
   
Brendon nods, completely thrown, and he can't look away from Spencer's, simply _can't_. Spencer takes a deep breath. "All those people, perhaps they already tried to talk me out of trying anything, because it could only end in disaster, and perhaps I listened to them and didn't do anything about my ... infatuation, crush, whatever." Spencer's silent for a moment and Brendon can feel Spencer's heart beating fast from where he is still perched on Spencer's chest.  
   
"And then perhaps I realised a while ago that I still liked that person and it sucked not to be with them. Perhaps I poured out my heart at someone I trust really a lot, someone who's used to protecting me and my friends and possibly that someone, and ... that trusted person warned me off. Not like what I was used to, not because it was a bad idea, sure to end in heartbreak and possibly a VH1 _Behind the Music_ special. He told me that I was not to play around, that I should only really go for it if I was sure that was what I wanted. Perhaps that person hinted at that that other person, the one I wanted, was in a situation remarkably similar to mine. And then I may have freaked out a bit and made several embarrassing phone calls to a lot of people. And then, afterwards, perhaps nobody thought it necessary to tell me they'd kick my ass if I hurt you because they all knew what I felt and I'd already had my _OMG I'm going to break up the band if this goes to shit_ breakdown. And perhaps everybody thought it necessary to tell you off because they didn't want me to be hurt."  
   
Spencer's quiet and Brendon can't quite figure out what to say. He didn't expect that (and Brendon really needs to rethink his expectations because this being blind-sided thing he's got going on at the moment is getting real old real fast) and he's overjoyed (Spencer likes him!) and scared (Spencer _likes_ him). "You're in love with me?"  
   
Spencer finally looks at Brendon, looks him in the eye and smiles. "Yeah, you tool. I'm in love with you." Brendon can't stop the enormous, dorktastic grin on his face because, yeah. He's a tool, but _Spencer_ 's in love with _him_. "That's good because maybe I've got a crush on you since our first practise." Spencer had been so hot. Brendon hadn't admitted to liking boys yet, but Spencer made that entire thing hard to ignore, because give that boy a drum kit and he turns into some kind of sex god. So he beams at Spencer now and Spencer laughs at him and they kiss until Ryan pokes his head into Spencer's bunk and asks whether they're done being incredibly schmoopy. Before Brendon can say anything, Spencer shoves Ryan away and closes the curtain with a hard yank and Brendon ... Brendon's laughing so hard he cries. Spencer kisses him again and then Brendon knows that maybe, just maybe perhaps possibly this will work out all right. 


End file.
